Hi

Sometimes feel so alone. Have little time for myself. My son n woody.

I feel so short baited at times it is unreal. I lost my hubby 2 n alf year ago
and i sometimes not always get sick to the back teeth of everything being up to me. decision makin, workin payin the bills, keepin my son happy n the dog, fixin stufrf, buildin furniture on me own, stuff breakin n not being able to fix um. everyday stuff that i always have to deal with on me own.

This aint part of the plan.
Really down right now. But why is it always up to me. How do other single parents cope

I am not a single parent but just wanted to send you a big (((((((((hug))))))))

Sometimes life gets on top of us all, just remember that you need to be kind to yourself and you are doing a fantastic job!!

Alix,
I have been a single mum for 10 years in May.(NO help from ex husband at all)) I split from hi when my youngest was 5 months old. ~(more to it than I had just had enough)
And YES I get like that,
I am a very independant person now, nearly 10 years on.
When I first was on my own I paniced and relied on my parents for alot. I have over the years got more and mpore independant, and the other week I diagnosed an air block and bled a rad on my own as I had watched what other people and my dad did.
YES I do and have felt like you.
I wish I could discuss the makjor things in life with someone but noppe, I have to work it out on my own.
And also I find people that have partyners dont understand, they think they do as there partner works alll hours but they dont as they have hours where you can leave your kids, where as a single muym doesnt, and has no financial backing at all in my case.
I feel very alone alot, hence why I started running. Buyt thats only because mum and dad can look after them, about 4 hours a week.What I am trying to say is I understand how you feel and sympathise 100%^ as I am there, have been there and still there Lea

Hiya, i'm not a single parent but was brought up by just my Mum (no bruvs or sisters) for most of my life.

You are doing a brill job and and when your child is older they'll understand what you've done and be sooo proud of you. 

Give yourself a huge pat on the back, your doing brilliantly

(((((hugs)))))

Like others have said it isn't just you that feels that way. You are doing a fantastic job. I have brought my daughter up and until my met my OH did it on my own after splitting with her Dad. Although even when we were together he did more harm than good. When you feel down please remember that you really are fantastic.

I have been a single parent twice The first time I had my parents help and things were easier. This time I've been on my own now for 12 years and it has been hard. Yes there are times that I wish there was someone there to talk things out with, but if I decide I would like to change something or do something I don't have to pursuade someone else that it's a good idea. I discuss things with my daughter (almost 14 years old now ) but I don't expect her to help in major decisions. She is, however, seeing that life isn't all roses. She is learning more about life than my older 2 children did, just because we spend so much time together.

I left my husband for various reasons, so there was a choice in my lifestyle. I don't know how I would feel if I hadn't had the choice. My thoughts are with you {{{{{hugs}}}}}

Hi there, Keep that chin up a!! have been there for 14 years with 6 children. I know exactly how you feel, I had a morgage no money off my X it was hell.
But! beleve me you will come through it, a lot stronger person. I am now re-married and find it hard to let anyone take over.
If there is a dicision you have to make, sleep on it, in the morning if it is the same answer do it.
When you make a dicission stick to it, some may be right some will be wrong. But, you had the guts to make it.
It will get easier, now is a very depressing time of the year the sun will be here soon "we hope" things always seem a little better then.
Your not on your own, it just feels that way sometimes.

Denese

Agree with denese.  I did think of posting when your message first went up, but didn't because my case was different, splitting from my Ex 18 years ago was an improvement and I have bee on my own ever since.

My kids re now 20 and 17, and the older was a nightmare 13 to 16 and the younger is a nightmare now, and that is hard having no-one to back you up.

On the other hand it is nice that decisions are mine and I don't have to consult another adult or compromise.  I don't think I could be in a relationship again after all this time as I am too independent and enjoy my freedom.

I cannot imagine loosing a loved partner, where you had the support etc that some of us divorced ones didn't. 

I too find winter hard as often you can't be bothered to get out and about.

For me the dogs are my link to the outside world, through them I have a social life, and taking them out daily means I actually get to talk to people other than my kids.  It is important to have Friends.  Most of mien are doggy, but other groups are good to join, as I found when I did Weight Watchers meetings it was nice to be around people with similar issues, so joining a bereavement support group may well help you.  You may think you don't want to be around others in your situation, but it generally means that people can help each other with coping strategies, friendship and even practical help.

Here are links I have foudn on Google: http://www.google.co.uk/search?hl=en&q=bereavement+support+groups&btnG=Search&meta=cr%3DcountryUK%7CcountryGB

Things will get better {{{{Hugs}}}}

Alix

Be strong - This too shall pass

The other day I saw a tv programme - life after death - on sky real lives it dealt with the issues of the loves ones left behind.  They highly recommended a support group called WAY - widowed and young - for men and women, it really was helpful for these people to get together and share exactly what you are going through now.  Here's the link

http://www.wayfoundation.org.uk/

Be kind to yourself, I bet you are doing a great job even though you don't feel you are.  Sending you positive thoughts....................

Lozi

I know how you feel I have been a single parent for 30years now after my husband got tragically killed trying to rescue our stolen pony.
I was left to bring up my two sons who were then aged 4 and 6 years.
Since then I have also bought up my grandaughter since the day she was born and she is now 16.  It is a struggle, especially financially, I get so fed up of never having any money and being able to afford to go out anywhere.   Trying to work, clean the house, do the decorating, do the garden etc etc.  I am constantly tired. Its only my dogs that keep me sane.
I havn't had the time energy or money to go out anywhere and meet anyone else.
I also get really angry at being type cast as a single parent we are not all people who have children to get housing etc.   I did not ask for some moron to steal our pony and to be widowed as a result.
Look on the bright side though you only have your son to consider and don't have a man to work round and be there for and have meals ready for when he comes in.  You can do things when you want to regardless.  Have some (((hugs)))

Do you know, I am sitting here reading all the above feeling really ashamed of myself!  When I read what some of you have had to go through, I am so ashamed for moaning about trivial things!  You should all be so proud of yourselves for coming through all that and I am sure that one day, things will work out well for you!  Big Hugs to you all!!

well said oldilocks you should all be so proud of yourself . well done to you all .When i read your story of what you have all had to cope with i am humbled .hugs to all of you

I can relate to 'this ain't part of the plan' Morganalfie because that's exactly how I felt for a long time.

I put up with a mean, controlling and abusive husband as I didn't have any family or friends who were single parents and didn't have the confidence to be alone.

The final straw came when the CSA started deducting payments for a child he'd fathered whilst we were married.

I use to have panic attacks thinking I couldn't cope but I did. I now have two happy, well adjusted children age 21 & 17. They are all my own work without any financial or emotional support from their father.

The only down side now is I'm now redundant. For years I didn't have the money to socialise or pay for babysitters so I stayed in with my children, now they've got friends and go out and I still stay in, LOl. 

> I now have two happy, well adjusted children age 21 & 17. They are all my own work without any financial or emotional support from their father.
>
> The only down side now is I'm now redundant. For years I didn't have the money to socialise or pay for babysitters so I stayed in with my children, now they've got friends and go out and I still stay in, LOl. 

The above I can relate to.

I also resent the bad press single parents get, as I never chose to be a single parent, it was the cards i got dealt.  Had enough guilt over making a bad choice of life partner.

I really dont know what to say...

Thank you all for your wonderfull posts.
I dont normally sit here feeling sorry for myself (honest)

Friday started off as a bad weekend cant wait to go to work tomoz lol.

I had a flat pack wardrobe delivered on friday, unpacked it friday night, found the whole thing very daunting
Son had a friend from school sleeping over. I was trying to get them settled for about 9.30ish with a film in his room. 2 dvd players broke on me. I neally dropped the tv moving it from another room. And in temper bust some drawers.

Started to feel sorry for myself. Saturday didnt get any better. built the wardrobe and it didnt fit where i wanted it. Then my next door neighbour started complaining about my son and his friends playing on the front of my house.

Decided an early night was in order.

Got up with a fresh head this morning, and decided to move the wardrobe to another room and it collapsed on me.

so had to rebuild the whole dam bloody thing again :smiley:

But hey I did it a treble wardrobe no less, with shelves and drawers.

The dog is sulking now cause ther aint bin any long walks this weekend. And upstairs is a proper s*** hole.

This was on top of the week when the tax man told me I had been underpaying on tax for the last 2 n alf years. So I know there is a mega bill coming there. But I will deal with that just like anyone else.

To bev b n barbara.

Yes I do to so bad resent all the bad press that are heaped on single mum's.

We are just another statistic to them n the government. Regardless of how we all got to this position

Hi Lozi n barbara

I did join a forum about 18 mths ago, it was an american site. Thay may be in another country but still goin through the same rubbish. I havent been on for a while. As I am desparetly trying to move on. I dont mean finding another fella. That may or may not happen.

But just trying to be more positve. U know like trying to build a new life for us all. I know sometimes though it seems like a step forward and 2 back. Suppose you just have to keep going with your head down. lol

wasnt going to post...but I will.  I brought up my daughter from the age of 2 1/2  then when she was 10, (after never looking at of thinking about another man) I met my second husband.  Bye the way my first husband didnt keep up contact with his/my daughter, neither does the second, and he was her stepdad a lot of years (she is 28 now) I was with number two for about 12/13years.  and believe me even then I had to do things for myself. just because you have a man, does not mean they will put up shelves etc. Since I have been on my own again,  well me and my dogs. (5) and can I add that all the time I was hard up I never once bred to make money, It would have been a good way to get the new washer etc, but I have only once had a litter. (in 30 years)  Anyway its a bit long winded, but I am better off now than I ever was with a man. I now own my own house, it is still hard, but at the end of the day I have now one to have to answer to. So long as you have a good friend that doesnt mind you bouncing thing off them, and occassionally treat yourself, be kind to yourself, and be proud when you look in that mirror!  

Do you know, I am sitting here reading all the above feeling really ashamed of myself!  When I read what some of you have had to go through

Oldilocks please dont be ashamed

Its life at the end of the day, we all have our own paths to follow.

And I am a great whinger lol I can whinge with the best of them believe me.

Thank you all again for your confidence boosting words.

I diagnosed an air block and bled a rad on my own
lol lea. I have my own bleed key, And regularly now check them for air. lol

Bev it is also nice to hear other widow's perspective on things too