at the moment things are not going swimmingly in any aspect of my life!
i am 4 stone over weight,quitting smoking last year after 30 years probably hasnt helped.
i cant work as i am due to have an op at the end of the month
i have been waiting for a year.The hospital have messed up on more than one occasion,even MRI scanning the wrong foot!
i did try to point out their error but was told as it was written down on the notes then they had to do it!
then when i went to hear the results they admitted it was a mistake then had to wait 2 months to have one on the correct foot......
now am sat here waiting day in and day out!
i am on income support with one dependant child in a house with no heating except a coal fire!and no plaster on the bathroom walls!
its just a brick room downstairs
my 6 year relationship with my childhood sweatheart is deteriating
he lives in Nottinghamshire and i live in Cheshire, i moved here from Wales a few years ago to be closer to him i left all my friends behind and now find it harder and harder to be able to afford to go back and visit as i dont drive!
they do come here occasionally but can only stay a day as they have their own lives to get back to.
he is looking for another job at the minute as his will cease to exist in september
he is on very good wages and needs to be as he still pays the mortgage and bills on the family house his wife and 18 year old daughter live in
he continues to pay as he feels guilty about leaving them 5 years ago!although his wife goes on holiday for 2 weeks at a time abroad and has just bought a new Bmw motorbike! and runs a car so its not as if she cannot afford to pay her own bills.
whilst he is paying for them to live there though we cannot move forward
he is also reluctant to get a divorce for reasons that baffle me! he says it will upset his daughter who is still doing her Alevels!
surely not that upset as he has been gone for so long and i am pretty sure she doesnt expect her mum and dad to get back together as her mum is in a relationship now as well!
All of this has come to a head after a row on saturday in which he went to the bank and didnt come back! and now we are on a "break"
i really just needed to get this off my chest
thankyou for allowing me to!

We're here if you need to sound off a bit more

I am on Income Support, have a teenage daughter at school, a coal fire and no money so know exactly where you are coming from. I can't work due to back problems and am just starting down the Disability road. We all need to be able to moan every now and then, and this board seems to be one of the places you don't get shouted down. There is always someone who has the t-shirt

I don't have a man in my life anymore, life is so much easier without one mucking things up Though there is the possibility of one in the not too distant future, just taking things easy and v..e...r...y s..l..o..w..l..y (need to persuade daughter it isn't a bad idea )

Its rotten when everything pile up on you like this isn't it. Hopefully things will feel better once you get your foot done. Your partner must be under a lot of stress too if he is losing his job. Raid the cupboards for chocolate, sit down with a cuppa and have a good cry to let it all out. Sending you some cyber hugs {{{{{{{{inthemistuk}}}}}}}}

Life can be really tough sometimes   really hope things will get better for you soon, sending u lots of positive thoughts

Best wishes
Hayley

just phoned the hospital to be told it will be june now!!!!!!
i burst into tears and the secretary said she will sort it out for me as it is obviously upsetting me. no way! who would have thought having to use crutches for a year and being told different things would be upsetting????
off now to let my 2 babies out for a run on the field! i can cry there and no one will know
thankyou for all your hugs and comments x

I've had many friends whose partners have left and they can not pay the mortgage and bills anymore, child support just does not cover all these things, so your partner has been wonderful to continue to support his ex and child throughout, making sure that even though seperated his daughter has never suffered.  You have to commend him for that, he has been a good dad.  However, how much longer does it go on, his daughter is now 18, unless going to Uni, she is of an age to now support herself.  His ex has had long enough to sort herself out financially, whether moving to a smaller home, getting a job, re-marriage? He should not now be providing for her. He should always provide for his daughter and hopefully will always treat her to things she needs etc. but............

He is in a relationship with you, not a new one by all accounts and his loyalties need to switch, you are in a home with no proper heating, no plaster, struggling, no car, depressed, he is not divorcing and showing any commitment, childhood sweetheart or not, it does not look good to me. He can not keep using his ex as a reason not to commit and put his finances into your relationship, sorry to sound hard, but it all sounds like a cop out.

My advice would be after your op, I would go back to Wales, to be with your friends and family, if not to live with them, property is cheaper there or even a council house, you can stand on your own two feet, (although that is what you have been doing anyway, just in a better environment) a home with no proper heating and no plaster is no place for you and your child.  You will have lots of support from people who love you and I bet once happy you will loose your weight. Why struggle financially and be unhappy away from those you love waiting for a man to do the right thing. You have been patient and understanding enough, for your sake it needs to be make or break time.

Who knows as unbelievable as it may feel now, you may even meet someone else, I wouldn't waste another minute on this man even if I loved him, he does not do what is right by you, you deserve more than that.

The upset of your op would not feel half as bad if your personal life were better, and we all know we heal much better pysically and emotionally when we are happy.

I would seriously look into going back to Wales.

Sending you a massive, huge, big hug ((((((((((((((((((  You need it! ))))))))))))))))))  Be well soon.

Nicely said Carrington

I do hope they sort it out for you at the hospial!
Congratulations on managing to give up smoking...
Dont worry about the weight, that can be dealt with when you are ready, not before as you have done well so far dont put any more pressure on yourself.
The future will be yours, be positive and take some hugs from me too.
Karen

Yer! what they said   you certainly deserve much better from your man

When my daughter was waiting for her knee to be repaired she was given date after date   So I rang the secretary, told them how it was affecting her health (pain in her spine and hips from favouring the leg) and her life, and asked about the possibility of getting a short notice/cancellation date and she was put on the cancellation list.  Had the op a few weeks later.

Is this a possibility for you? 

It will all come together in the end, it just takes a bit of time and organisation

{{{{{HUGS}}}}}

wow what can i say except thankyou
i have just come back from a long walk in the fields with my 2 labs (they are great listeners)
i am going to wales on wednesday as my really good friends dad is very ill and we thought we could both have a cry together!
i have found out it only costs £5 to get a return bus  ticket from the top of my road to the top of hers...ok it will take me 3 hours and a change of bus but who cares i will take a book
i will also spend the time there looking at local papers for houses
i do need to go home and be with my friends
i am feeling more positive now than i was this morning.
My fella has always looked out for his girls and i admired that in him he is a lovely dad but he does feel guilty about leaving and this is milked for all its worth by his youngest daughter and his wife
i will tell him at the weekend about my trip to wales and what i intend to do
who knows he might just sit up and listen x

i have told the hospital i am available at short notice for any cancellations and she is sending me a pre op appointment so if anything comes up i am ready to go
thankyou all for your positive thoughts d comments
you wouldnt believe how much they have helped x

I have been where you are (and sometimes wonder if I still am).

It can get really hard, when everything comes at once, and the good things arent coming, just the bad. 

I dont know if you could find the time to do this, but it helps a bit. Its called a Triple B Treatment. Get a bag of chocolates that easily melt in your mouth.  (First B is bag of chocolates)  Lay in the tub, filled with bubbles. (the second B is the Bubblebath).  Make sure to have a good book with you (third B).  Now, lay back, let the warm - hot water relax you, and start reading your book.  Every so often, grab a chocolate, and dont chew on it, just let it melt in your mouth. 

That Triple B Treatment is very relaxing.  Eleviates some of the tension build up!

Sending Hugs to you, and hopefully everything straightens out for you!!!  Take Care!!!!

Kory

Good girl!! Enjoy your trip to Wales and I hope you find the strength to pull yourself out of your present situation.

Good on you.... you go girl, really glad you are feeling more positive i hope you have a lovely time with you friend

after my outburst yesterday to the hospital they have just called and i am having my op on May 7th!
unfortunately i am still single and have had no positive communication,so off to Wales i go tomorrow

Good luck for your op,at least it's not to far away, i hope you have a lovely time with your friend, keep us all posted how your getting on


Best wishes
Hayley

I am sorry to hear you are having a crap time, we have all been there however in different circumstances.  I only speak as someone who has recovered from a nervous breakdown, anxiety and severe depression ( I am lucky to still be here if you catch my drift).  I am 32, bet your wondering how someone my age got into such a mess?  Wel it wasnt a man it was work!  Long story so wont go there.

I am currently 5 stone heavier than I was in 2001 and 4 dress sizes larger.  Only in the last month have I felt better.  I have joined Slimming World, lost 6.5 lb in 2 weeks.

I have been off work 4 months but feel ready to go back, I understand you cant work due to a health problem.  This is a difficult one but have you thought about doing a course from home to keep you busy and occupied?  Dont dwell on the hospiutal mistakes it will only make you worse, our countrynin riddled with inefficiency so this is bound to happen, dont take it to heart.  There are lots of courses available to those on income support, you should be able to get help with the fees.  It would give you something to focus on and if you choose a topic you enjoy you will love it.

It is very hard when relationships break down but this is part of life, learn to love yourself, learn to be independant and dont rely on men for anything, always have something to fall back on as the only person you can rely on is yourself.  Have you thought about moving closer to your friends and family? 

Its not nice when you are feeling down, the more you think about the bad things the more they seem to come to you....
Start off thinking about everything thats good in your life....you say your house isn't perfect, but you do have a roof over your head...many people can not afford this...be thankful that you have.
You have a child, which I can only imagine you love with all your heart...think how great it is to have them...alot of people are unable to have children.
You are lucky enough to own 2 dogs...some people cannot afford to have even one...I expect yours are a great stress reliever.
Now your op is in June....try your best to think positively, June is not long away, prepare yourself for it and think everyday that your grateful it is going to happen then.
I honestly believe if you put out positive energy you get back positive things....give it a go...but you have to truely believe yourself!!!
It might sound daft but by being positive it really does make you feel better...
I hope everything goes well for you!

Ooooh, just read this and I do wish you all the best in the world.  Good luck with your surgery, I had some last year and it honestly wasn't as bad as I thought.  Your's won't be either no doubt.  And as for starting over, I've done it, more than once.  Don't have a life of Cr*** just because you're scared to go it alone.  Just step off the edge and you will be sooooo amazed at who is there waiting to catch you.  I wish you the very best of the rest of your life

CG