As some of you will know and have already posted on my other thread i let my baby abbey go last night, the hardest decision i have ever had to make. i pray i made the right choice, i miss my darling abbey more than i can ever say, losing one so very young who had the heart of a lion has torn me apart, she really was very special. i am so sorry i couldnt make it all go away.
be free abbey and run like you have never been able to run before.
my pudding, i love you so much and you will stay in my heart forever and ever x
God bless honey xxx

Run free Abbey - your Mum wanted you to run free from pain. xx

She is now free from pain and you did a selfless act to help your baby......
Sending you big (((hugs))) as we have all been in your shoes and know how much it hurts....

Run free Abbey with those gone before you,

Gabrielle x

Abbey you were a very brave girl and gave so much happiness and love to your Mummy, she had to make the hardest decision but also the right one to set you free from pain,
run free at the bridge Abbey xxx

So sorry to hear about Abbey.
Thinking of you, xx

((((hugs))))

Bless you, for you did the kindest thing an owner can do for a dog they love. 

Run Free at the bridge Abbey!

My thoughts are with you.

I'm so sorry Mandy. HUGS.

*hugs* the hardest thing to do is to let a young one go, we had to let a 16 week old puppy once due to internal complications, she looked sooo healthy from the outside, its strange though her KC name was going to be Forever Pheonix.

Run Free Abbie, im sure you will never be forgotten.

Thinking of you

Fee x

Sorry to hear about Abbey MandyC
My thoughts are with you and I send you a big ((((HUG))))

Run free now Abbey

Take Care
Philly xx

i'm terribly sorry mandy, you know its was best for her though so well done for making such a hard, but right, choice

{{{{hug}}}}

run free abbey.

Better a week too soon then a day to late.
God bless you both

xxxx

i am so sorry to hear this, it must have been a horrible decision to make, i was in tears reading your other post and my heart goes out to you at this time.
run free abbey, have fun running and playing xx

run and play with no pain abbey god bless you both (((((hungs)))))
xxxxx

I'm so very sorry to read of your loss. Sweet dreams Abbey. Love and Hugs Lois xx

Two weeks on and am feeling terribly guilty about my choice for Abbey, i loved her in a way i could never explain to anyone, she was my world and my special baby.
everyday that has gone by i have questioned my decision and i deeply regret not trying surgery, i am now so convinced that i made the wrong choice and that you would of made it through surgery and been happy for many more years.

Just a baby at 13 months old, i should of tried one last time for you my precious one, i am so sorry!

i cant believe i got it so wrong for one i absolutely adored, i feel like i just give up on you and ended your young life far too soon.

i am struggling terribly with guilt and can not see a way past these awful feelings i have all day everyday.
i feel empty and alone and just want a big cuddle with my beautiful girl - oh how i wished i could turn back time and do things very differently for you Abbey x
You were in our home for just 1 year but will stay in my heart for a lifetime 'Pudding' xxx
i miss you more than words can say xxx

Thinks of the positive memories  , the feelings of guilt will subside although it will take time  , she doesnt blame you , you did the kindest and hardest thing anyone  can ever do  ,you  let her go to rainbow bridge  free from pain and suffering  to run and play forever , they never leave you , she will be your baby forever and be with you always

3 weeks today and my heart is still aching, the pain is now just unbearable and i am so sorry for making the biggest mistake of my life, letting you go so soon was completely wrong and i am struggling to live with that deep regret everyday. The tears feel like they will never stop and i am empty inside. i wished i had tried surgery and am now so sure you would have come through and proved everyone wrong for a second time.

how i wish i had given you one last chance at life, you derserved to be able to give it a fight my precious baby, i am sooo sorry Pudding!

Guilt is a terrible thing and i can not come to terms with giving up on you - you were my world and i loved you more than i will ever love again xxx  All my decisions make no sense to me at all now - i got it all so very wrong and i dont know how i did that with a girl i loved so very much.

Please forgive me Abbey i thought i was doing right by you but now i am just so sorry xxx

Mandy, you did not make a mistake, you made a very brave, very selfless decision to end Abbeys suffering and set her free. You did that BECAUSE you love her so much.

I have recently had my old dog PTS, he was 14 & half years old. It was nearly 3 weeks ago and I still feel guilty that I made the desicion to end his life, even though I know it was the best thing to do for for him and he was old and had chance to live a good long life.
You had to make this desicion for a young dog,  you must have been to hell & back emotionally.
You gave Abbey the best that anybody could have, a chance with the surgery and then freedom from pain and suffering.

Abbey is at peace now, bless her, she has nothing to forgive you for - only to thank you.

Be strong Mandy, you have done the best thing for her, I know it doesn't feel like it now.

HUGS
xxxxx

Mandy,as I have said by PM, you HAVNT made a bad decision, you have made the right decision.
Please please please go see a doctor or ask on here and find a good pet bereavement councillor as I dont think you can get through this without proffesinonal help to let you tallk
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((Mandy)))))))))))))))))))))
BIG HUGS
Lea
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

> You gave Abbey the best that anybody could have, a chance with the surgery and then freedom from pain and suffering

See thats just it i DIDNT give her a chance with surgery, i opted not to do the surgery and i now how to live with the guilt of probably ending her life when she just may of made a full recovery and had many more years with me, at the time i felt surgery would have been a selfish choice as she needed major surgey with a long and painful recovery period and her prognosis was not very good, but now all i think is 'she would of made it' and she was just 13 months old, far too young to give up without trying!

I was too frightened of the surgey failing, now i wished i had been braver for her and given it one chance

Mandy, dont feel bad. You cant be thinking now "what if" because what if you did take that chance and your worst fears were confirmed..

You made a decision and you are so brave having to make a decision like that, you had Abbeys best interests at heart and that what makes you special.

You cant go saying whats right or wrong, no one can, its in your heart and you followed it for Abbey and i am sure she is with you 101% on it! She is free now and happy and you gave her the least painful and stress free chance to be able to run free with her doggi mates...

Keep your chin up hun, she doesnt blame you for it, and you cant beat yourself up over it, it will make you feel 10 times worse, it is heartbreaking, i have been there, but you will get through it eventually, honestly! Chin up and wipe those tears

You took a decision that to put Abby through surgery and a long painful draw out attempt at recovery with not a very good chance of it being successful was not the way you wished to prolong a very loved girls time with you. You took that decision when your heart was not suffering from her loss and consequently when you were more capeable of making that reasoned decision than you are feeling at present. Those that feel a strong love can also bare a very hard burden when grief takes over. I do feel that you now need some help to come to terms with things as grief can take control. {{{{{HUGS}}}}}

> See thats just it i DIDNT give her a chance with surgery,

sorry Mandy, I didn't mean to make you feel guilty, I thought Abbey had had surgery before she got ill, I've just checked your post and I was wrong, she had amazed everone after the awful diagnosis if spinal disease and then took a sudden turn for the worse....

This is from your post:

>Surgery is an option but we have been told due to more than one problem her chances of a full recovery are not good and i feel it would be selfish to put my baby through all that pain to likely be no better and just miserable,

Your head was cleared then as you still had Abbey with you and you could see what you needed to do for her. If you had put her though surgery and she made it through surgery, Abbey would not have had a good quality of life and all the stress and pain of surgery would have just been unfair on her. You chose to stop her from suffering.

You really haven't been selfish atall, I hope if I am every in that awfull situation I can be as brave as you and make such a selfless decision as you did for Abbey.

> and i now how to live with the guilt of probably ending her life

Mandy I am so sorry for what you are going through but could you have lived with the guilt of prolonging her pain?

Life has been very unfair to both you and Abbey, you were given a horrible choice and you chose to give your friend the gift of peace. 

I don't know anything about the surgery she could have had but I imagine the pain for her would have been indescribable. Just the slightest movement like lifting her head or even just panting would have caused movement to the spine. 

I hope you find your peace as Abbey has found hers.
Mel

Guilt is a strange phenomenon... we feel it if we do right..(but feel we did wrong) very rarely if we do actual wrong...

I know a few people who have taken the hard route of putting their dogs through op after op, each time hoping against hope that the outcome will be different.. and 3 maybe 4 years later, finally decide enough is enough, and allow their baby to go to sleep in peace.. and what do they feel... Guilt.. not for the 3/4 years of hope and pain that there babe went through.. but guilt for letting them go.. after 4 years.. and they have gone.. they still feel the guilt for NOT trying... just one more op might work!

Grief and guilt are dreadful combinations to carry around with you.. and like others, I feel counselling is needed to help you through, to come to terms with your loss...

Please dont allow the short but happy life she had with you be in vain... you were always there for her.. you just can't see that yet...

Oh bless you.. you did the right thing.. at the right time...

{{{{hugs}}}}}

Nearly 8 weeks on - i miss you more than words can ever say my beautiful girl.

I wanted to put a photo on for all the kind people that have been there for support of my darling Abbey at 9 months when she was a very happy little lady, as you can see she had the biggest smile i have ever seen!

God bless honey, still the tears are flowing and still i cant believe i lost you when you was just a baby, i guess i will never know if i made the best choice for you gorgeous, i only hope you are running like a puppy should now!

I love you 'My Pudding'  xxxxxxxxxxx

i was literally just wondering how you were doing mandy as i;ve not seen a post from you in a while.

she will be running as a pup should at the bridge mandy, no longer in pain and having fun waiting.

how are you coping now? i truly hope that that pain is becoming acceptance and that you are no longer feeling guilty- as i've said before you should not feel guilty but proud that you were strong enough for her.

Sometimes we have to make judements based on what we know. Its hard but you did right by your baby. Time is a great healer, and I wish you peace in your heart.

still missing my special girl

'My Pudding' - gone far too soon at just 13 months!

You came into our lives Abbey
Just for one short year
And were gone from us too quickly
Our precious girl we loved so dear

You had everything to live for
A young life so full of full
I loved you so much gorgeous
And i'm glad i was your mum

My heart still aches with sadness
And many tears still flow
What it's meant to lose you 'Pudd'
No-one will ever know xxxxxxxxxx

I too Mandy have wondered how you have been doing. She looked a real sweetheart.

A lovely poem, a lovely tribute.

I hope you are going some way to finding peace. Of course you still miss your special girl, you always will but in a different way to now.

Kat

Hi Kat

Thanks for thinking of me.

I have written a few poems for my girl, yes she was such a sweetheart her photos on here really show what a happy girl she was and she was still smiling right to the last beat of her heart, with me holding her tight and telling her how special she was.

Christmas will feel empty this year as last christmas she was just 16 weeks old and made my xmas so much fun, it will be a very hard time but my other babies will help me through it no doubt. I miss her more than words can say and i know i always will

Thanks again

Mandy x

i wanted to add a picture of my lovely tribute that i have in my living room, a glass etching of my special girl, of course i cried when i recieved it but i wanted something different to a usual photo.

It really captures just what a beautiful and happy girl she always was.

xmas will be so difficult without her

My thoughts are with everyone who has lost a special companion this year as the first xmas will be hard for all of us

I hope my dad makes sure you get your turkey leg on christmas day as promised Abbey, i will love you and remember you today, xmas day and everyday xxx

Oh i just tried to add it and the file is too large, it is very beautiful though, i have added my poem to her instead

         'My Pudding'

You came into our lives Abbey
Just for one short year
And were gone from us too quickly
Our precious girl we loved so dear

You had everything to live for
A young life so full of full
I loved you so much gorgeous
And i'm glad i was your mum

My heart still aches with sadness
And many tears still flow
What it's meant to lose you 'Pudd'
No-one will ever know xxxxxxxxxx

Thinking of you Mandy.

hugs xx

Christmas has been very hard and there was lots of tears as expected and i am dredding midnight tonight as i know i will sob my heart out again!

Last christmas was so wonderful with Abbey at just 16 weeks old and to think that was my first and last christmas with such a fantastic dogue, i never dreamed last year that i would spend this christmas without you (typing through the tears here) The youngest of all my dogs and the first one to leave me...it is just so very wrong, not to mention very painful.

i have added a picture of my glass etching i had done of my wonderful baby, i have had no christmas lights this year, the only light was Abbey's which i have put on every evening and i will look at that through the stream of tears at midnight tonight.

I love you and miss you so much honey and i know i ALWAYS will - 'My pudding'  - what i wouldnt give for just one last cuddle and a big wet kiss xxx  Wait for me darling and i know my dad will look after you.

My thoughts also go out to everyone on here who has lost their special one this year - god bless you all x

Please take a look at my glass etching of the best friend i ever had - 12 short months but the best i could have wished for. xxx

Been thinking about you all over Xmas, I knew it would be hard for you.
It is those left behind that suffer the most......

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) for you

The etching is beautiful as was Abbey x x

Thinking of you Mandy.....it is a really hard time of the year isn't it...

{{{{{hugs}}}}}

Julie x

Mandy, a quote I had found, that helped me through the guilt and questions of letting my spaniel go:
I sent you on a journey, not because I didnt love you, but because I loved you to much to force you to stay. 

I do hope you are getting on ok.  It is never easy, and when their is doubts already, it is harder to move through the grief process.  Big hugs and thinking of you.

Mandy, the glass etching of Abbey is lovely.

xx

Four months today since my Darling Abbey, and still it hurts like yesterday

Thinking of you everyday darling, and lighting up your light every evening.

Mummy will always love you honey and i am still so sorry for letting you go too soon xxx