On 14 April, we had to have our lovely nearly 14 year old mongrel girl PTS. It was very very sudden, she had been fine up until the Friday before, but became really ill over the bank holiday weekend. She was sick, then she wouldn't eat and became jaundiced. She was in the vets on a drip, and bloodwork and xrays were taken. She had two masses in her abdomen, her liver was failing and her bloodwork was off the chart. We think it was liver cancer. I don't know for sure, because I wouldn't put her through any more time feeling how she felt, which was clearly absolutely dreadful, for tests and biopsies, and we couldn't even try any medication because she couldn't eat. She still wouldn't eat after having been on the drip for 24 hours, and although she was a little brighter, she was not my smiley girl.  She was originally my sisters dog, but became mine when my sister died in 2005. So despite just being her loveable old self, she was also a special link to my sister. She was the sweetest most undemanding dog you could dream of.

I brought her home for the day on Tuesday 14th April, and she went to sleep that evening, in my arms for the last time. I loved her to bits and the emptiness and the loss are overwhelming. It was all so sudden - just four days,  I can't still quite believe she's gone. Now I  feel that maybe I shouldn't have made that decision so quickly, and am now thinking that perhaps we could have tried something. My head tells me I was right, but my heart just keeps on wondering. It is a horrible feeling and I cannot shake it off. Please God that I was right.

Fly like the wind Raff, I hope you have found your 'real' Mum now, and your very best dog friend in all the world, your Abbi.

Bye bye laughing girl, love you forever.

Kat

I am very sorry for your loss, Kat.  That link with your sister must make it extra heartbreaking . I don't believe for a minute that you let her go too soon.  I think you saved her from suffering that is all and that is what a loving owner does despite the pain to themselves.

I'm so sorry. Remember with an old and ill dog it can never be too soon, only too late. Shes at peace now.

Im so sorry, for your loss.  May she run free at the bridge.  Thinking of you

Sorry to hear of your sad loss

So sorry to hear that. I truly believe you did the right thing. At 14 years old your girl would not have been a good candidate for aggressive treatment. What you did was to save her from suffering any more.

You are bound to miss her but you gave her a home when she needed one and you were there for her at the end. You could not have done any more. xx

i'm very sorry for your loss chinablue

sorry to hear this, my thoughts are with you at this sad time x

Firstly, sorry for your loss. Your sister would be so proud of you for not only looking after Raff when she needed a loving home but that you bravely made the decision to not let her suffer. Raff and your sister will be reunited now.

So sorry for your loss...My thoughts are with you xxxx

Thank you all so much
Kat

I am so sorry Kat, but i have no doubt you didnt act too soon, as you know i know that feeling of wondering all too well but you saved her from any prolonged unhappiness. Your two special girls are re-united and painfree.
I hope you begin to feel sure about your decision soon as you absolutely done the kindest thing you could for lovely Raff x

Thanks Mandy
I thought of you when I kept having these doubts, remembering our 'chats'. One day I will be at peace with my decision I know, it's just a matter of time. Thank you again
Kat

I'm so sorry for you loss Kat.  It is only five months since I had to have my fourteen year old beautiful girl put to sleep and I still remember the day as if it was yesterday. I went through the same thing, did I do the right thing.  She had cancer and I knew I was going to lose her to it but she went downhill so quickly in about four days that I hadn't expected it in some ways.  Know that you did the right thing.  Now with hindsight, I wonder how long she had been in pain for and as I look back at those four days, I know, despite desperately wanting her back, that it would have been so cruel to keep her going any longer.  We love them purely and unconditionally, making it all the harder to make such a decision.

Fourteen is a wonderful age for a dog.  That's fourteen years of love she experienced from both you and your sister.  Know that they are there together, watching over you.  I see my dad, my brother and my beautiful Madi together in such a lovely place, all looking so happy and well.  It brings me peace when I'm in that moment of feeling the loss.

I wish you the same.

Julie x

so very sorry for your loss.
xxxx

Thank you Julie, that is a great help, and please accept my sadness for your loss too.
it is so, so hard. Yet I suppose we should consider ourselves lucky to have had so many years of joy with them, some people lose their beautiful dogs so young.

Kat

Oh Kat; just seen this; bless you, I'm so sorry to hear this.  You spared her from so much pain and suffering; please do not be hard on yourself.  In your shoes, I would have done the same thing even though it breaks my heart; I just couldn't put them through any more pain just for a little extra time.  It is so very, very hard.  ((((Hugs)))

oh kat,i do feel for you.you must feel as though you've lost your sister all over again as well as your little smiley girl.you did right by her.it was time for your sister to have a share of her.i expect she was missing her and wanted a cuddle'i'm sure your sister came for her and took her to rainbow bridge to play until your turn comes.you'll miss her terribly but don't worry about her,she knows she'll see you again when the time is right.how lovely to have had such a wonderful friend.x

so sorry thinking of you.
Run free sweet lady.
Sheila x x

Poppity - thank you. Yes I'd like to think my sister had been without her long enough and wanted her and her girls to be together again. Crying away now reading these posts.

Spender - thank you, you too have been there so recently. Her loss has hit me so much harder than I ever would have expected.

Perhaps it was the link with my sister, and also I think it was that she was so very fit for her age, and I had imagined seeing her get old and pottery. She had become quite clingy in the last few months, which I had put down to being an 'old age' quirk, but perhaps she was not feeling 100% though it didn't show, and just wanted her Mum close all the time.

Thank you all so much again.

Kat