well, its a long story but ill cut it short. i met a guy on email that i used to work with so i aleady knew him a bit. i helped him out with some legal work stuff and he did meet me briefly in sept. we used to email a lot but then he tailed off. then i met him and we got on fine. now he says yes we can meet again but not when. he only writes about 3 one liners a week and i obv still write every day. i have asked over and over whether i should stop writing, if hes bored does he want to blow me out etc and he ignores it.
i cant understand him at all. theres more to it obv but i wondered what others think? wouldnt he just ask me out if he liked me? i realise that he prob doesnt like me but why cant he say so?
any ideas? i need reality here even though i know it already deep down

Don't email again until you hear from him, let him do all the chasing. Keep your emails as short as his and see what happens. It's impossible for any for us to know what he's thinking. He could be not that interested but not want to say. He could just be the taciturn type or he could be one of those 'treat me mean and keep em keen types' that wants you to do all the worrying and running. Personally either way I would say he wasn't worth it.

Tina, you are 'flogging a dead horse' there.  Don't email him again and move on with your life.

I have to agree Tina, I would stop emailing.

I have been in a similar situation and you'll end up getting hurt. Men just don't think the same way as us. He probably thinks theres no harm in the odd email where as you are looking at a relationship. From my experience men don't like women who chase. I'd back right off and if he's interested he'll let you know.     

I am with Flora , stop  emailing now before you get more upset.

If you are e-mailing him every day and he's only sending one liners twice a week then he's not interested.  Must admit though not sure that I'd be e-mailing him every day.

Hes had plenty of opportunity to take it further but he hasn't. Yes it would be great to meet up but can't give a time and place? Hmmm I think he's very casual about this which to me means yes, you are a friend but if he wanted any more I think he would have said something by now.

Are you infact sure, hes free and available. He may just like chatting to you in a friendly way (although one liners are hardly chatting) and he may have a girlfriend tucked away.

I would stop or seriously cut down on the emails and see what happens. You never know, it may be the kick up the butt he needs or he may just taper off as well. I have a feeling it may be the latter but good luck.

> wouldnt he just ask me out if he liked me?

Yes he would.  He hasn't.  So he is just flattered at being chased.

No please leave him alone. Even if he should so like you more than friends or work colleagues he is going a funny way about showing it and its not a way i would accept in being treated.
You may like this guy, but it doesn't appear that he is worth your troubles, how about finding someone who is more on your wavelength and is prepared to make an effort. If a guy doesn't make an effort now, will he ever???

He is prob aware of your feelings by the amount of contact you are making with him and if he was interested i'm sure he would be making much more time and effort to make contact and more than the odd line here and there.

I say Back off and see what happens..

thanks for the advise, i did ignore him once for 8 days and he never wrote to see how i was! in the end i couldnt help myself. i know your right but its hard after mailing for 6 months to stop.
we both have other relationships so perhaps thats it but we knew that at the beginning.
i dont know how to stop myself writing im obv obsessed.

yep move on and forget!!

"we both have other relationships so perhaps thats it but we knew that at the beginning."

!!!!!

whoops tina  didnt realise that put your energy into your current relationship or sorting it out if you have problems sorry hope that wasn't rude just can see lots of people getting hurt if this continues

I think that maybe, says it all. You ignored him for 8 days and there was no contact from him at all?  Its like you are addicted to emailing him. Go cold turkey, delete all mails in and out and scrap his addy from your address book.  Now this would work a treat if you then did not know his email address but I suspect after 6 months you know it off by heart.

well maybe he is quite happy in his relationship hence why hes not emailing you back all the time and just sees you as a friend? I don't mind my oh talking to female friends via email or even facebook but i would be worried if someone was emailing him daily its like email stalker! (joke please don't take offence)  I'm feeling sorry for your OH who is unawear of this i presume and how would you feel if the boot was on the other foot if you are that unhappy with him then maybe you should move on.

cant move on from other half-- finance impossibilities! but i know i need to move on but its very hard!

Maybe it is just a case of 'The Grass is Greener' Tina.  Perhaps it would be a good idea to try and work at your current relationship.

cant move on from other half-- finance impossibilities! but i know i need to move on but its very hard!

Hi Tina, late coming into this discussion but you need some serious talking to hun.

Often when we are not happy, we grab onto the smallest of things, we can make a few niceties from another person build into a whole fantasy of a knight in shinning army coming to rescue us emotionally and financially, but that is all that this is - fantasy, you've built this up to be something that it really isn't.

You've helped this guy out in a business sense, which I am sure he is very grateful for, so grateful that he has continued to allow you to write to him daily, he really should have put a stop to it a long time ago, but we live in a world of liars, we all continually lie, what comes from our mouths usually isn't what we actually think and feel, we say things like "Nice to see you" when it isn't! We say "Let's get together sometime" when we don't intend to, we say nice things to each other, because we are taught to be performing seals, we are taught to be polite and say the right things.

If we don't say the 'right' things then we have to deal with the emotional consequences we have to make someone sad, cry, angry, we usually run from such things so we lie, we all do it. We say what we have to to get what we want from people and to keep them happy.

The only truth ever uttered is that ACTIONS speak louder than words. Words are often meaningless infact they usually are, you look people in the eye, you watch body language and you look at the deeds they do, that is the only way you know what is true.

The guy is not interested in anything in the romantic sense with you, you know that already though don't you? When two hearts meet, finance, wives, children nothing gets in the way, there are thousands of broken hearts all over the world who have had partners suddenly up and leave because their heart has spoken to someone else, if they don't leave then they have not had that 'Wham!' 'Knees Buckle' and 'Stars In Their Eyes' thing happen, so will pile out a lump of excuses instead, they lie!

If you think this guy is ever going to answer your questions honestly of: Is he bored with you? Does he want you not to contact him? Think again, he would have to deal with the fallout from you, of the you've been wasting your time with him, that you are hurt and then angry, he does not wish to deal with it, who would?

This man is in a relationship.

He goes home to someone,
He's kissing them,
Making love to them,
Laughing with them, crying with them, lying next to them in bed,
Eating breakfast with them,
Sharing his life and dreams with them,

What are you doing????????    He is not free.

Stop making this man your world, stop fantasising.

Stop running and detracting from the real issue here, go and see a marriage/partner counsellor with your partner a counsellor will strip away your relationship down to the knuckle will make you both be honest about what is wrong, or right about it, make you both be honest about your true feelings, then help you to seperate or make a go of it.

If you seperate your financially worse off, you may have to live in a bedsit or a one bed flat so what! If we only live one life don't you wish to be emotionally happy, everything else is just dressing, you will then be free to find a real love a real life. Away from your partners security net, there is no way you would be e-mailing a guy for 6 months and getting nothing in return, but still hanging on, you wouldn't have given this 2 weeks, you wouldn't be hanging on in there with faulse hope.

It's time to snap out of this fantasy, I'm grabbing you by the shoulders here and giving you a good shake,  hope that you come to your senses.

yes thanks for that but as far as finances go, why after 27 years should i give up my house, my 4 kids and my 2 dogs to live in a bedsit!! would you?

why after 27 years should i give up my house, my 4 kids and my 2 dogs to live in a bedsit!! would you?

Depends on what you want, doesn't it. I was in a dreadful relationship and my ex refused to leave the house, so I left the house and the kids -took the dogs. For me, it was well worth it. Don't you have any legal claims on the house and dogs?

no equity in the house and still have 3 kids at home- over 19 i might add but im not giving them up or my dogs!

Fair enough, I wouldn't give up my dogs to move into a smaller place either just because I no longer loved my husband, but your lucky you have older children to help you, that is a blessing, many do this with very young dependants. I wouldn't stay living with someone I could not stand. If you are not going to go down the counselling route to try to salvage anything then eventually you are going to seperate, what else are you going to do wait around hoping that he may pop his clogs so that you can get the house via insurance? You may have a very long wait, and a very unhappy life to boot.

Trying to cheat and steal someone elses man is not the answer and quite an unsavory thing to do, it's the last thing you need, your children will think little of you, no matter what your relationship is like, you finish one thing before starting another, otherwise you will always be the cheat and the wrecker of the marriage in everyones eyes and often another man can be jumping from the frying pan into the fire, your better if you seperate to be on your own for a while.

Divorce is a fact of life, many go through it and survive it, loosing the family home is all part and parcel of that, as your children are now grown and over 18 it is the best time for you to talk properly with your husband, yes it may well come to selling the house, starting again, but isn't it better to do that now whilst you are of working age, so that you can afford to rent/buy again perhaps even your children may wish to get a place to rent or buy with you, to help with the bills, to get a place large enough for the children and the dogs. You can turn any house/flat/bungalow into your home, there are plenty of houses out there to rent. If your house has no equity then it's like renting anyway what is the difference?

When people start looking for affairs then it really is time to move on, time to stand on your own two feet, often people just make excuses because they are too afraid to be alone. Look to MarianneB as just one example, she's very happy now.

Sometimes you just have to be brave.

yes well, not wanting to sound like a slapper but have had 'others' throughout my marriage. i think its the grass is greener syndrome but this guy was something different and extra special and has what he calls an 'intermitent girlfriend' which to me meant occasional and not that serious.
kids have only part time jobs and debt from uni- they cant afford to help me!

yes well, not wanting to sound like a slapper but have had 'others' throughout my marriage.

**Slaps hands to head***   Oh dear, I'm literally cringing!

But, I'm not going to judge, I'm no-one to judge you or anyone else. I have friends who have done the same much to my distain.  Never quite seen the point myself and always felt it rather sad. Very rude this, but I once said to a friend why she wished to run around like a bitch in heat, with her tongue hanging out and her underwear around her ankles, after anything that would look at her, she didn't take kindly to it, infact she didn't speak to me for a while, but it made her think about her behaviour and she told me later that she needed a good slap in the face. It's a shame that people don't just leave the relationship they are not happy in, what a waste of some lives.

I can't help but feel that people who cheat like this must really hate their partner, in which case, why stay?

wrong-- i love him too and dont lecture about 'that cant be true'. there are many kinds of love

It'd be a mistake to confuse lust with love.

i chatted to someone on the internet for a long time! he has a girlfriend but i was sure he still loved me deep down,i just needed to make him see that! i didnt think i could be hurting people in the long run...in fact i only cared about me! well one day my fella found a text message from this fella on my phone...it was an innocent text but he sent it to his phone and i was being nosy and found it...it made me realise that the grass isnt greener on the other side...it really isnt...i just needed a jolt to make me realise i had everything i wanted here...
as for being many kinds of love i agree, however yours is unrequited...he doesnt want you he just likes that you are there..
why do you have to lose everything to move on? i have done it several times and you dont need to live in a bedsit you can with your kids help get a rented house..but deep down you dont really want to move out so will use any excuse you can think of! my take on your situation is that you seek love and attention..but first you need to love yourself and then you will realise that you dont need someonelses love to be happy....maybe true love is actually already in your 4 walls and you just need to rediscover it. does your fella feel the same about your relationship and does he know you have had many "others"?

wrong-- i love him too and dont lecture about 'that cant be true'. there are many kinds of love

There are also many kinds of confusion too, just look here:

Your lovesick for a man who shows no interest, but you still chase him daily,
You then confess that you are married and the man in question also has a partner,
You have a husband who you'd like to leave but finances stop you,
You've cheated previously on this husband,
But defiantly you profess you love him?

Is it just a case of cake and eat, or are you just really confused about what you actually want in life?

Or maybe in talking about it, the layers begin to unravel and you find the truth of your real feelings which is what counselling is all about, it gets to the truth. If your husband knows nothing of this other side of you then I can understand why marriage guidance is out of the question, but maybe it would do you a world of good to find yourself and what you really want.

i totally agree x its very hard to face upto the truths about yourself but i really think you need to take stock be alone for a while and discover you and what you really want. i did and couldnt be happier x

> but first you need to love yourself and then you will realise that you dont need someonelses love to be happy....

So very, very true!  It took me so long to see this common sense, but now, although I live alone, and have done for years, I like me!   And I am happy, even if I can never pay my mortgage off in my lifetime!

Carrington, what fantastic advice. Will you be my friend? lol Sometimes I could do with one of the shoulder shakey things