I used this special place this time last year when I had to have my beautiful girl PTS.  It got me through the first stages of pain and allowed me the freedom to express myself without feeling self-concious of the terrible grief I was feeling.  Thank you to everyone who showed me so much support and offered me such kind words.

I wanted to return this morning as it is a year today that Madi was PTS.  Despite it being a year, I still feel her loss everyday and so many things remind me of her.  People told me a time would come when I will remember and smile rather than cry, and that I would be able to remember the good days I had with her rather than the sad few months of her cancer.  They were right.  Although my heart still fills with complete sadness when I think of her, there is always a joy mingled in with it too, that I had her for thirteen years and she gave me so much in return for her bowl of food and her long walks.  The unconditional love we receive and give to our beloved pets is the thing that makes their loss so unbearable at the time.

To Madi - you were the most beautiful girl I had ever seen and known.  Your gentleness and understanding filled my heart with more love than I could have imagined.  I look at your photo everyday and realise how much I miss scrunching your face and burying my fingers in your deep woollie fur.  I miss your yawning for attention, you bowl banging when you were hungry, hearing you crunch on prawn crackers and most of all, your little eyebrows animated when I spoke to you.  You were my special girl and a year one, I wish you were still here with me, waking me up too early in the morning for your walk.

I know you are running free my beautiful girl and that you are healthy again, without the pain.  For this I am thankful. 

I miss you so much and in my heart and thoughts you will always stay my beautiful Madi.

I love you.

Mum xx

run free madi
xxx

I remember your post from last year and am glad you have found some peace.  The following is a poem that I think is very comforting, hope you do too

I Stood By Your Bed 
  
  I stood by your bed last night, I came to have a peep.
I could see that you were crying, You found it hard to sleep.

I whined to you softly as you brushed away a tear,
"It's me, I haven't left you, I'm well, I'm fine, I'm here."

I was close to you at breakfast, I watched you pour the tea,
You were thinking of the many times your hands reached out to me.

I was with you at the shops today, your arms were getting sore.
I longed to take your parcels, I wish I could do more.

I was with you at my grave today, you tend it with such care.
I want to reassure you that I'm not lying there.

I walked with you towards the house, as you fumbled for your key.
I gently put my paw on you, I smiled and said "It's me."

You looked so very tired, and sank into a chair.
I tried so hard to let you know that I was standing there.

It's possible for me to be so near you every day.
To say to you with certainty, "I never went away."

You sat there very quietly, then smiled, I think you knew...
In the stillness of that evening, I was very close to you.

The day is almost over... I smile and watch you yawning
And say, "Goodnight, God bless, I'll see you in the morning."

And when the time is right for you to cross the brief divide,
I'll rush across to greet you and we'll stand, side by side.

I have so many things to show you, there is so much for you to see.
Be patient, live your journey out... then come home to be with me.

-- Author Unknown

Oh dear big lump in my throat beautiful I think its so apt as well.
I hope we all get reunited with those we have loved and lost at the bridge, sleep well.

thinking of you a this sad time,
run free madi.

Hi,

I remember your loss well as it wasnt too far behind my own. I am glad you can now smile when you think of Madi and i am sure she is happy and painfree wherever she is now.

God bless x

Run Free Madi.

Jonelle

What a lovely poem, thank you.  It did bring tears to my eyes but at the same time, it does make me remember that she is always with me x

Thanks Mandy.  I remember your posts too and hope you are doing ok too x