Its been 7 years today since my little shadow went to the bridge. He had a collapsed wind pipe and despite treatment he didnt improve. The vet did not want to operate as he was 12 and had a heart murmur. We went to say goodbye, I wanted to stay with him whilst he was put to sleep but the vet wouldnt let me as she said it would be too upsetting as they may have to inject into the heart, my OH pleaded to allow him to stay but she refused. We said goodbye and when they took him away we could hear him barking, my youngest daughter became hysterical and had to be taken outside. We could have given him more time to see if he picked up but just seeing us he became excited and struggled to breathe and I just couldn't leave him like that. I am still haunted at hearing him barking for us, and I always wonder whether I should have given him more time or insisted on the operation and I feel as if I let him down.  I am crying as I post this tribute but I am hoping that it will help with the guilt and sorrow I feel as I have never felt able to talk about it before.
Run free Peppi, love and miss you loads  xx

so so sorry, i am actually in tears reading this,and one of my worse fears is not being there when the time comes to have my pug pts.He has had so many health problems and i actually worry about the pts part as he has larynx collapse and i wonder if this will happen to him,my one wish for george is that he lives out the rest of his days here with us and when he reaches a good old age he just goes to sleep and never wakes up, i feel that is what he deserves after everything he has gone through.
It does you good to get these feelings off your chest and i am sure there are plenty more of us out there who feel similar,i remember when my 4 year old pug rupert died last year,just a couple of seconds before he had a massive fit,he ran at me and head butted my legs as if to say help me mum,and i couldnt,there was nothing i could do,and 24 hrs later he was dead,he never came back from the vets,and that was so hard to deal with.
run free peppi,hope you meet my little pug rupert and eric my cat and stella and hazel my rabbits at the bridge
xxx