So Ex left to move from our flat into a single room in a house. He had to leave his dogs behind because obviously there was no room but also because Lubo has very bad behavioural problems.

I've been finding it quite hard on my own. Even though we pay for a dog walker to come in the middle of the day to walk them I'm still aware that working long hours in London means they spend large periods of the day sitting in here alone. Lately probably because they are missing Ex they have become even more needy and uncontrollable and I'm at my wits end.

I was always determined to keep them with me because I really do love them so so so much. However, I'm feeling increasingly trapped. i can't go anywhere because they need to be let out and walked, before and after work and nobody comes here because Lubo is quite scary. I had a date tonight and he came here first and was nearly attacked. I put them behind the dog gate and Lubo barked continuously for about four hours.

I feel like such a horrible, inconsistent and shitty dog owner but I'm really at the end of my tether. I'm actually considering letting them go, finding them a new home with someone who is there all day because I just can't handle it anymore.

I am typing in tears, please can someone give me some advice, what would you do.

x
ps I am also stressed because this is yet another link with ex and all he has been doing tonight is sending me aggressive threatening texts where he says he will hold back the dog walking money because i am not replying quick enough. i cannot afford this mortgage and all the bills and all the dog stuff on my own so he has me over a barrel.

It sounds as if you know they would be better off with someone other than you.  You aren't wrong and you're also not a bad owner for having these thoughts, in fact it takes a strong caring owner to put their dog's needs first.

Your ex made a decision when he moved out to choose a place where *his* dogs wouldn't be welcome.

I appreciate this won't be easy but if it were me I'd say I could not longer keep the dogs, give him a date for rehoming them himself then make my own arrangements if he doesn't take action.  I'd also say that if he stops paying a for a dog walker they'll go immediately to a dogs home.

This is heartbreaking stuff but you cannot allow your ex to control your life, and you aren't offering the best home for the dogs.  Love them and let them go.

Something else to bear in mind is that if Ludo has severe behavioural problems it may not be easy to find a good home for him/her. It also wouldn't be fair to pass this dog onto someone else.

I really do feel for you and do feel your Ex should be taking some of the responsibility for the dogs.

I would take them round to his new location and let him get on with it. It his his problem and his responsibility. You don't want to be held responsible for rehoming a problem dog and the possible outcome and why should you?

thanks for all the replies, I've calmed down a bit now.  I'm going to try a behaviourist i've booked in the next month and see how that goes.  I am having a few doubts about them but better they live here and be safe than somewhere else where people might not care for them.  I won't be doing anything that puts the dogs at risk.   So i won't be dumping them on him (he cannot afford them, he cannot handle the day to day at the moment)  or putting them in a home (as pedlee says he does have behavioural problems, what if they put him down).  I do know though that he is not like this with the dog walker of the lady that cuts their hair, I seem to be a catalyst.

I don't know what to do, my head is swimming.  I see their little trusting faces though and I know I love them so much. 

Good luck with the behaviourist, that's a good place to start.

When I split up with my husband, I ended up having to work in London for longish hours, but luckily I had good neighbours to let them out and my Mum would come over and sit with them. One of my dogs had a questionable temperament and there was no way I was going to pass the problem on to someone else by rehoming - it was either me or PTS, so I chose to keep them and worked with the situation I found myself in. Where there's a will there's a way as the saying goes. I set off for work early, worked through lunch so I could leave early and was home by 5pm. Luckily this only went on for a few years and I ended up working from home which worked well all round. Would that be an option for you - a lot of employers these days are happy for their employees to do some of their hours at home?

i cannot afford this mortgage and all the bills and all the dog stuff on my own so he has me over a barrel.


Yes, I think out of everything you have said this is the worst part for you, your left with the dogs, the bills the responsibility of the walking, feeding loving of the dogs. It's like many husbands who walk out and leave people with little ones, they are trapped in a life of responsibility and hardship, whilst the one that leaves is young, free and single again. If you are struggling possibilities are to sell up and rent, find a friend or advertise to share your flat with, or downsize/buy to rent, look into all possibilities.

What I would do is insist that he comes to take the dog for walks etc still, ok he can't take it to his houseshare room, but he can still drop round food and spend time with his dog, take it out on an evening when back from work, take the dog to his parents house for the weekend so that you can have some freedom to go out and meet other people too, no matter what the excuse he can surely find some time somewhere to be with his dog if he choses.

If he doesn't then to be honest, why do you not just cut ties completely, have him sign the dog over to you so that he can not just turn up and ask for the dog back if the mood takes him, and he is no longer in your life, if you could have a good relationship as friends the dog thing could work, but if not best to break ties, even though his dog walking money comes in handy, in time you'll both have new relationships and he is likely to just cut off anyway, I'd rather do it on my terms.

Get in touch with the PDSA with regards to vet bills etc and see if there are any services they can offer or think of to help you cope with two dogs whilst working and struggling, maybe the dogstrust too.

Make a point in talking to people on your dog walks, sometimes they can open avenues or even know people who are genuinely looking for dogs, or may offer to walk your dogs for you for free, you may place the dogs somewhere just by having a casual conversation. I wouldn't be calling a rescue at present, even as things are the dogs are better off with you, this time next year who knows what will happen, you might get a fab promotion, meet the man of your dreams and have a new house and life for you and your dogs, things change,  hold on in there.

Thats a nice thought but the last date I had Lubo tried to attack him. 

Sadly this is not going to work for me.  The dogwalker has put his fees up and I sat down and worked out how long they were home alone for the other day - 6 hours in the morning and 4 in the afternoon and thats if I leave early and don't get any delays.  Ex is frantically trying to get a flat together with a garden so he can take them (this would be ideal) but I'm so stuck.  They are so bored.  I am looking into rescue homes at the moment.  I'd rather try and find an owner myself though, if you know anyone who is good with dogs and would like two standard schnauzers please contact me.  I'm heartbroken.

Ex is frantically trying to get a flat together with a garden so he can take them (this would be ideal) but I'm so stuck.  They are so bored

Can't you just wait then - ok it is not ideal, but dogs have to cope with things like us being ill, twisting our ankles etc, not getting the exercise they would normally, ok so you can't afford the dog walker now and obviously and sadly you have no friends or neighbours who are home to help and take them out for a wee bit. They are left for 6 hours and then 4, no it is not ideal, but if your ex is frantically looking I would still wait, it's not going to kill the dogs to cope for a few weeks like this if they have a loving home to go to soon. It would be very sad if your ex really wants them.

Did you contact the dogstrust to see if they can hold your dogs for a while until your ex is sorted?

I just think it is very sad when they are wanted by one of their owners and it is just going to take a little more time.

Think about it.

I agree, if you could wait for the ex it would be better.

If they are put in rescue chances are they would be left for hours on end anyway until they were rehomed - which could be a while as most rescue places are over full with dogs.

Hope things work out for you though, sounds a nightmare at the moment.

Yeah it would be much better if they could go to him.  Trouble is, he's such a flake.  If I knew for definite that he would sort it out then you're right they could stay here til he could take them but I don't want them waiting if he's never going to really get them.

There is no hurry at the moment though, I can just about afford the dogwalker and can give him a bit of time to see if he is serious about taking them.