Growing up I remember having spent the best time with several animals. but often it was me who found them in the mornings when their time had come! And from a young age (6) often we would have animals die at least 2-3 tmes a year (we either rehomed older dogs and I think the minimal amount of dogs we had at anyone time was 9 all rescues either from the pound or given by a relative of someone who had died!). I remember everything about "their time" and remember how devasted I was each time and t only got harder as every dog got older!

I fear tremendously my animals growing old and the day they "leave"! I dont want them ever to "leave". And I often get really upset now as my older animals are getting on the oldest being 11! There all healthy and have had the best possible life I can give them, yet I often get so upset I am certian that my animals despite their ages have many year left in them yet im terrified of the "day"

I have the most amazing animals (ok I admit it Im biased!lol )and I know people say this all the time but my animals are litterally my WHOLE life, and I would never part with them for millions!!

Can anyone give me any advice on hw to deal with the anxities, I mean I know I should be enjoying every minute with them and I do, I just fear "it"

Everyone deals with these kind of things in a different way. This is going to sound odd but I can't think of another way to say it! You must have been 'lucky' to have your much loved pets slip away in their sleep. In all the years, we have only had this happen once & I would imagine the vast majority would prefer them to go in their sleep, instead of having to make that all to difficult decision. As hard as it is at the time & it never gets any easier, I try to think of the good times & if the dog is of a good age (teens) then there would be a great deal of good times to enjoy. I am lucky with my breed as they are a breed that often last well into their teens, with my oldest being 12.5 now with lots more years left in them. We haven't long had to say good by to any old lady, she was a month off her 16th birthday.
Unfortunatly this is all part and parcel of having pets...they leave us

good debate....do you prefer to have your pets 'go' in their sleep or 'give them sleep'

I have (IMO) been lucky that I have never come down stairs to find they have gone in their sleep.  I went through this with both my parents and felt robbed that I never got to say goodbye.  I know its diff with people as we cant 'give them sleep' but, I have always felt the same re my dogs that when the time is right I want to hold them and (tears as I type) be with them in their final hour.  I have had one dog that had an op at my vets, he survived the op but then went downhill and was gone before I managed to get to him. There, I also felt deprived of my final farewell and for that I have never forgiven myself for not being there with him. That had such a huge effect on me that now, when I have a dog in the vets for anything other than routine precedure, I sit in my car either outside or near the vets so, if they need me I am nearby. thats my way of coping.

Death is the normal finale to life, for our pets it is usually simply shorter.

We have to deal with and accept death.  Have you had a lot of deaths to deal with in the family?  Or conversely have you been shielded from human deaths and feel unable to deal with it?  Worrying about death will just make life miserable, it is pointless, none of us knows the day or the hour, nor do our dogs even if we do, so they and we should follow their example, revel in each moment..

I have had all three, lost a dog young suddenly, had to make the decision for one at 13 1/2 (no agonising, I would not see her with a compromised quality of life), and one go in her sleep at just 11 very shortly after her mother.

The first was awful, a life cut off in it's prime, the second I was happy with, as she had a full life to the end with no suffering just slowing down, the third was peaceful, but I felt too soon, and I wasn't prepared.

Fortunately most of the human deaths of family and friends have been of those who had led full lives, sadly some died of painful conditions, but modern medicine at least allows for decent pain control.  The ones who died suddenly were the lucky ones, the oens left behind find it harder.

First off, I think it is actually harder for the owner to find the animal dead. I've had it happen just once, and that was way more difficult to come to terms with than a planned visit to the vet. There was no warning, you couldn't prepare yourself at all, couldn't say goodbye. Secondly, I personally know people who think it's natural for animals to just go in their sleep and guess what? Theirs ALL do. Never mind the fact they suffer for weeks beforehand and are not taken to the vet........and I have seen this first hand so I know it is the case. I'm obviously not saying that is the case with everyone, but it is a very real danger that people who want their animals to go this way avoid going to the vet and keep waiting. Rather a week early than a day late, and it's better to ASSUME you will have to go to the vet.

Finally, we all need to try to avoid taking out grief in advance as it will ruin the time there is left. I did this with one of my dogs. I've told his story here many a time before. Rufus the Cavalier was diagnosed with very severe MVD (heart problem) when he was just over 7. The vet said he would not live to see Christmas that year, which was 2002. So every morning we got up to expect to find him dead. Every day we expected him to drop dead. I couldn't enjoy the time with him because the dread was there all the time. I couldn't even do things like buy a calendar with Cavaliers on, because I felt that when Rufus died, I'd have the rest of the year looking at a calendar of dogs of the same breed as my dead dog. And I ended up spending YEARS like this! It was only about two years ago that I started to change and felt that okay, he's not going to die, he's clearly indestructible. Rufus died on the 28th of April this year, aged over 15, more than 7 years after the vet had said he would die! I will never again waste years like that, I will enjoy each day as it comes with each of my dogs, whether they are ill or not. Nobody knows how long is left, not for sure. So I intend to make the most of what there is and not suffer in advance.

Try not to fear of their "passing".

My parents are both in their 70's and I often wonder how long I will see them for (before that day). However, we must do our best to put our fears aside and instead enjoy every moment spent with our beloveds (canine or human), as I'm sure our anxious feelings may show in the way we act around them and this could spoil every moment we share together.

I think posting on this forum about your feelings or talking to understanding friends is sometimes the best form of therapy, and I'm sure you will feel better for it.

I have been on the Health discussion regarding my GSD Misty, On Tuesday night her legs collapsed and she had a high fever, in all honesty I was preparing myself to have her pts within the day Wednesday. She was taken in to hospital and from hour to hour I expected to have to make the dreaded decision, but no, she improved sufficiently for me to bring her home today. She is still far from well and her legs are very weak. In my heart I know that she may not have a long life ahead of her, perhaps 6 months if I am lucky ( today is her 9th birthday) so I intend to enjoy every hour with her and even though I can't take her on nice walks on the beach or countryside any more I will enjoy sitting quietly with her, stroking her and letting her know how much she is loved, and when I feel that she has had enough then I will have her pts in my arms. Please don't waste precious time worrying about death, just enjoy your time with your beloved dogs. I know without doubt that when she dies she will still be with me, but just the other side of a fine curtain where I can feel her presence but not quite see her.

> don't waste precious time worrying about death

After years of discussing about the right time to get dogs my OH's main concern was the fact that he didn't think he would be able to deal with it, when it came to them leaving us. My answer to this was, that the feeling of loss goes for anything that we have enjoyed or loved. So enjoy, love them every day, do not worry about what might be around the corner we can't do anything about it. OH diagnosed with cancer last summer, both of us in shock for sometime, but thankfully treatment means he is in remission and even though I could still 'occasionally'  willingly strangle him, I have learnt to take every day for what it is, enjoy, have fun and make the most of it. Don't waste time worrying, relax enjoy the present. Also have a dog with major problems, told not to allow him to run or chase a ball, when he saw the specialist again last year, he chastised me, what a dreary life 'you could loose him under a bus next week'. So we manage his pain from day to day and take him out with his beloved ball and he runs after it for awhile and then we treat as needed. It will probably mean that the dreaded decision will have to be made sooner but at least he still has the occasional good time and his eyes shine bright from the enjoyment. Enjoy your day tomorrow.

I have a moment every now and then as something strikes me when looking at one that all of a sudden they've aged, or I just have a sad day and I think about it and it makes me sad, and then the moment or day passes and all is fine again.

I don't think it's wrong to think about it and have those moments, but try not to dwell in them or live in them or you will miss out on so much.

How awful to have to be the one, esp as a child, to have to discover your pets that way.  The best I can say now is that hopefully you will no longer have to discover them - but you will be able to aid them when the time is right and let them go in a way that has dignity and honours how much they mean to you.

Obviously when they have gone, you go through the natural grieving process, and you are in utter turmoil for days, weeks, months even. When i was 16 I talked my Dad into putting to sleep our old dog beauty, she had crippling arthritis and was only 12 but sadly was not a happy girl anymore it took me 3 months to get over that as I'd had her from when I was 4 and had a very deep bond.
Personally I have been with too many loved pets when they have been put to sleep and I have found that really hard because I made the decision, obviously because the vet told me, but you ultimately have to say yes now lets do it.
I keep thinking about my Snoop now 11 too and he's sleeping all the time, I do some mornings look at him to check he's still breathing! but to be honest if he went in his sleep I would be so happy that I didn't have to take him on that final journey. Also when I had my cat PTS last year my dog tinkerbell was confused wondering where she was for ages but with my mourning madge I think the penny dropped, I still would of liked the dogs to off seen her and then understood she was dead and not missing. Two of my animals also when the time has come have known, which I find really spooky but they have realised whats going on before its happened. There was no panic just meowing and whining before hand but very calm, all my pets have been calm when the actual time is coming very peaceful. Being with them is the best gift too I think, even though it is the hardest thing but it is the most unselfish act you can do I feel- to hold them and tell the how much you love them right up until the end.

Getting rather deep there sorry folks! ...

Lastly all you do remember after the shock of it all is the love you had for them and all the fab memories.
I felt the spirit of my girl Kye on a favourite walk on top of a hill at a particular spot?  One day I took Snoop up there  when he was 3 sat there thinking about Kye feeling her around me- then after I got up off the ground Snoop charged me and nipped me on the ass! 

I agree - I haven't had to put a dog to sleep yet as the only one I lost died suddenly, probably a heart attack. But he was short of breath that morning, had a vet visit made for lunchtime, came home and he was dead in the garden. I still feel guilty that perhaps I should have taken the morning off work, or that if only I'd known it was his time I would have said goodbye that morning instead of just rushing out of the door off to work. But he was galloping up the stairs and jumping on the sofa, so I couldn't have known 3 hours later he would be dead. But I will always regret not saying goodbye.

>First off, I think it is actually harder for the owner to find the animal dead. I've had it happen just once, and that was way more difficult to come to terms with than a planned visit to the vet. There was no warning, you couldn't prepare yourself at all, couldn't say goodbye.

Although tears are streaming down my face I welcome this post, thank-you Samie. I thought it was just me. Grieving far to early. Watching the One show the other night, the gardening lady, was interviewing Jilly cooper while they were looking at her dog's grave. She remarked "Out of all the dogs you own, there is always one which touches your soul in a very special way" I know exactly what she meant and although I adore all my dogs, my 6 year old girl is the love of my life. I do grieve now at the thought of losing her eventually and dont think I could cope if I lost her. Someone commented about maybe having lost beloved humans might have something to do with it and possibly yes. Without going into detail that has happened to me, more than once, so perhaps that is a reason for it. I have read the comments about putting it to the back of your mind and just enjoying them and I think that is very good advice. Thanks again for posting this Samie, Very helpful.