AND FINALLY............A PAGE FOR THE DOGS - SOME GOOD ADVICE FROM FIDO
Never show respect to someone who calls you the dog, instead of by your name.
Don’t eat your dinner if you suspect there’s a pill in it.
Never pick a fight with a pit bull terrier (unless you are one)
Pretend you can’t hear a silent dog whistle.
Newspapers spread on the floor are not for reading.
Attack the hoover but be wary of the lawnmower.
Don’t let people blame you when they pass wind.
Pose for photographs, especially when you’re not supposed to be in them.
Never lick yourself after licking someone’s face - it’s unhygienic.
When watching snooker on T.V. don’t dash under the telly when the ball disappears.
Never take ‘NO’ for an answer.
Never turn your back on a child with a water pistol.
Lean on someone who’s reading a large newspaper.
Pick up as many grass seeds in your coat as you can.
Don’t be too possessive. - It’s unlikely that anyone will want to steal your bone.
Refrain from cocking your leg up the Christmas tree. And electric fences.
Don’t tease another dog that’s tied up before checking that he’s not on an extending lead.
If you eat the carpet, make sure that it’s in a spot that can’t be covered up.
Don’t let on that you enjoyed it at the kennels.
Don’t be humiliated - only enter a dog show if you’ve a chance of winning.
Don’t fetch if you can eat it there.
Know the difference between relaxation and lethargy - and practice both.
Always stand up in the back of the car to obscure the driver’s rear view.
Hide your tablet under your tongue for five minutes - then spit it out.
Lie in front of the fire when you’re wet so you’ll smell even stronger.
Don’t foul on the pavement unless it’s next to a sign telling you not to.
Insist on commands directed at you being prefaced by “Please”
Require a minimum of 23 hours rest a day.
Only chew up important mail.
Pinch embarrassing rubbish from waste bins.
Ask to be let out during a good film on T.V. just after the adverts have finished.
Don’t eat a hot dog on principle.
Accidentally walk on wet concrete.
Don’t leave the table until you’ve been given something to eat.
Only chew squeaky toys in company.
Don’t bark at the dog in the mirror.
Learn to recognise the sound of the fridge door being opened.
Only turn round and round before lying down if there’s something there to flatten.
Only challenge a burglar if he’s harmless or he’s stealing you.
Don’t drink out of the toilet.
Don’t walk into furniture if you have to wear a surgical collar.
Insist on being carried on escalators.
Remember today’s playful kitten is tomorrow’s fierce cat.
If you hear someone say “I’ll set the dog on you” run and hide.
If you are a police dog, remember that not all criminals have padded arms.
If you are a sniffer dog, don’t inhale too much of that white stuff.
If you want to be a sheepdog, don’t bite the sheep.
If you want to be a gundog, don’t eat the game.
Don’t be a gundog if you hate loud noises and the sight of blood.
Only agree to be a guard dog if you can stay awake at night.

Brilliant!!! Loved it, :D

liberty

That was great!!!

Fab !!!! Really funny

Excellent :D:

Brilliant, I often get bored halfway through these sorts of posts (as I have the concentration span of a pea!), not this time!!!! :D

ROFL :D - loved the bit about not teasing a tied dog on an extending lead !

very good :D

LOLOLOLOL....I think my dog must have a copy of this because she follows it to the letter! I think however she may have added a few, such as:

1. Only perform erotic humping routine on inanimate objects when you have an audience of respectable people.

2. Dont chase your own tail for too long or else you WILL fall down.

3. Only let off wind quietly in a room full of people so that no one there is REALLY sure it was you

4. Only chew their BEST shoes, ignore tatty old trainers and aged slippers.

5. Bark EXTREMELY loudly on campsites in order to keep entire site awake ALL night to the accute embarrassment of ones owner.

6. When sleeping be sure to assume the most unlady like position possible, and snore loudly enough to wake YOURSELF up!

7. Adopt 'pathetic starving puppy with broken heart' stance whenever owner opens fridge.

Universal dog language! :D

Helen

Oh!!! And dont lets forget the all time classic:

'Be sure to hide maggot ridden, stinky old bone under owners quilt as a special bedtime treat!'

Helen :D

And the classic for the elderly dog

"When your owner wakes up and passes your basket don't breathe for a minute, you won't believe how funny this one can be."