I can't believe I'm writing this. I've had animals for so many years, lost so many, but I've never, ever hurt anything like this before. Not even close.

Today I took the hardest decision of my life, to have my Rambo put to sleep. With hindsight, we had been kidding ourselves. He started backing off judges over a year ago. In June he bit a friend of mine. In August he was fighting so badly with my Golden Dandy we had to send Dandy off to my mother in law. In November he growled at me. By Christmas he was fighting terribly bad with the other dogs causing injuries.

My husband keeps saying we did all we could, but it doesn't FEEL like it. It feels like I let him down. Yes we had him investigated by the vet -several times, four figure costs, lots of x-rays, and yes something was wrong for sure. What we never knew. Pain. We had him referred to a behaviourist and saw them twice including this week. We had lots of help from a wellknown clicker trainer with more experience than most. We tried and tried and tried. As late as yesterday evening I felt hopeful, so hopeful -we could solve this! We'd be okay! Yes it would no doubt mean keeping Rambo separate from the other dogs, but so what?

Since then everything quickly changed. We had more major, major fights -even WITH Rambo muzzled. His mother Ripley got bitten in an EYE when the other dogs defended themselves. Arnie his neutered half brother was so depressed and didn't even dare to go out for fear of being attacked -again the muzzle didn't stop much. (After all, if the police in Wales can use Malinois despite being muzzled, getting them to headbutt criminals, it tells us something about their strength and determination.)

We kenneled Rambo and he barked non stop. Let him out to give it a go indoors again, and I just bent down to put his muzzle on. He had a go at me. Then again. And again. Couldn't DO anything as I'd got the muzzle on, but he would have done.

Came indoors, he saw my 7 year old son, and went absolutely nuts barking at him very aggressively.

I couldn't trust my own dog anymore. I didn't have any choice.

I brought him in to this world, I had to be there when he had to leave it. I've worked as a vet nurse, I've had so many animals. I've seen it so many times, euthanasia. But I totally utterly lost it. I took Rambo's muzzle off as he slipped away and then I just got hysterical. I was on the floor just cuddling him not wanting to ever leave him. My great big cuddly teddy bear of a dog. I just kept telling him I was sorry, over and over again.

For those of you in Belgians -please don't mention anything to anyone just yet. I will write a detailed letter to several people but mainly the owner of Rambo's dad is going to be very upset indeed and he has to be told first. And I can't talk to anyone yet. Can't stop crying. Of course, we don't know WHY this happened, and we don't put any blame anywhere at all. Rambo was the odd one out -the other pups in the same litter are all fine, I'm in contact with them all. His parents are NOTHING like this.

I just can't believe this has happened and I am so scared I did the wrong thing. I want to turn the clock back. I don't know how I will ever get over it.

Marianne, I'm so terribly, terribly sorry for you. What a terrible series of events you've had to live through. In your heart you know you did the only thing possible; you gave poor Rambo every chance but for some reason all your efforts were unsuccessful. There will have been a reason for his behaviour, but you may never find out what it was. But please, please remember you honestly did all you could and have possibly prevented a very very nasty incident where the "if only"s would have been unbearable. {{{{{{hug}}}}}}

I think you did a very brave thing indeed - you made the hardest decision for all the right reasons. I am sure that, in time, you will realise that your decision was the only one you could have made in the circumstances. So sorry you have had to go through this heartbreak.

I think it hits hardest when you have to say goodbye to a dog at such a young age but you also had to consider your other dogs and the safety of your family - my thoughts are with you and your family.

Marianne you did what you had to do, I'm so very sorry and really feel for you.
He is now at peace. God bless you.

Love and Hugs

Linsxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx 

So sorry to hear this Marianne but you did absolutely everything you could and far more than others would have I'm sure. Sometimes we have to make these decisions for everyone's sake and for the sake of your beloved dog. You were really brave to do it, and you know in your heart it was the right decision. Let your other dogs comfort you, it will take time but it will get easier. I feel for you so much.
Marion

Marianne, for the first time reading a rainbow bridge message I have actually cried.
You KNOW you have done all you could have done. For you to decide that you couldnt put him, you or your family through anymore must have been the hardest decision you will ever have to make, BUT you have made the best decision for everyone, including Rambo.
You say there must have been a problem. It is like humans, and things like pschitsophrenia, there is no reason and alot of the time, no hereditery link. So there must be that in dogs.
Please be at rest in the thought you have done your best for him, and in the end the best thing for him was to let him go. as after that, he could not have had any quality of life.
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Marianne}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
You have not done anything wrong. He is at peace now. He is running free at the bridge, playing with all the other animals, with no aggression, waiting for you to pick him up.
Please dont think bad of yourself you have done what is RIGHT for you and him.
Lea.
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Oh please,please dont do this to yourself!
You have done absolutley the right thing, and I do know how you feel, for once I feel qualified to comment. I had to do the same with my lab on the advise of my vet 7 years ago.

I didnt have any one else to go to for advise, no thoughts of behaviourists, or rehoming. I trusted the vet completley, she likened my girl to her own pet of the year before.
I was the same as you, couldn't just leave her on the floor just stayed there helplessly with her.
You HAVE NOTdone any thing to hurt your boy! He was a tormented soul and you have done the best thing for him just as surely as if he had a raging disease.
He will be wagging his tail waiting at the bridge for you.
Karen (with the biggest cyber hugs I can send)

Marianne,please dont blame yourself for this.uve always done the best by ur dogs,rambo was obviosly sick and uve ended his suffering.u tryed everything there was to make him better,there was nothing else you could of done .run free rambo

I've had to make the same decision as you and for the same reason. No doubt, just like you, I will forever ask myself;
Do I believe that such a great love turned so bad? And the answer has to be, No I can't.
Do I still love, miss and want to hold her regardless, to see her face and call her name? Of course I do. And finally, were we right to do the only thing left for us to do, which was to free her from the terrors in her head and give her peace?
The answer comes when I see my new girl run free without fear. She plays with the others and is so full of the joy in life. As I look at her standing alone on the hilltop there's a confidence about her. She turns her nose into the wind and she sniffs at the air, proud and happy. It's then that I know we were right.
Although there will always be a sadness as I watch her, it gives me the kind of peace that I wish for you.

My heart goes out to you.
  

Oh Marianne - what an awful time for you - and how brave you have been.

{{{{{hugs}}}}} - no words can say enough.

Margot x

Marianne,
           Am sat here in tears reading your post.
Please know that my thoughts are with you and your husband.
As everyone has already said, please don't blame yourself. I have been in your shoes with a dog, and there comes a time when you just know that enough is enough.. It doesn't stop the hurt you feel though, I know and understand that....
He is at peace now, hopefully chasing tennis balls at Rainbow Bridge......
Sending you big (((hugs))),

Gabrielle xxxxxxx

I am so sorry

I wonder if he had a brain tumour To see a dog go to this extreme then that is the only think I could think of ?

Rambo is running free and enjoying life as a happy boy

You did everything for your boy Marianne

Lucy
xx

Really really sad to read this tonight for you.  I normally don't read RB but tonight I did.

You did all you can, sometimes there is just no answer as to why. It does happen no matter what the " experts" say and it happens more than we probably know..   

I really commend you Goldmali, why? Because you took responsibility for a troubled dog you brought into the world,  you didn't kid yourself on. So many do with such detrimental sad outcomes.  This is probably far the hardest thing a breeder can face. It does however in my opinion demonstrate responsibility.

God bless you and I hope through time the pain lessens.
 

Oh Marianne my love....
Its a double edged sword thats pierced your heart tonight isnt it..
On one side its a blessed and kind release for such a troubled boy and on the other its a sadness that seeps to your bones.
Think only of the good now..because as your boy frollicks in the calming fields over the bridge, thats what he'll be doing x
The brightest stars are the shortest lived......
{{Warmest Hugs for you tonight}}
Here whenever you need us Lovey x xx x
Much love Liv x

sorry to hear the news but you did for the right reason.to be safe for your little boy and to let the other dogs not to be unhappy as well.

you were very brave to do it but there will alway be a place in your heart for him you did the right thing.

take care time will heal

terri

So sorry to hear this Marianne, what a rough time you've had and a terrible thing to be left with only one decision for such a young dog - but like the others, I have no doubt you did only have this one decision for the benefit of Rambo (who obviously had serious problems), your family and your other dogs. Knowing it was the right decision will only make it worse, though.

I hope that this releases some of the pressure at home with the others and life can become a little more normal for you, you must need it desperately.

Marina

lots of hugs and sympathy for you all, you did what you had to do, but it doesnt help does it    xxx

So desperately sorry Marianne   Your anguish is evident in your post, so much so that it has reduced me to tears just reading it.

You did all you could.  Rambo is at peace now and free of whatever pain he was suffering.

{{{HUGS}}} to you and yours.

Jules xx

Terribly sorry Marianne .  Your heart must be breaking but I think you did the only possible thing.  Run free Rambo, happy again.

So very very sorry Marianne There just are no words to give you comfort

Run free at the Bridge Rambo Happy & peaceful

So very sorry Marianne. *hugs*

I had this situation years ago and beat myself up over it.  Only when I realised that the atmosphere my dogs were living under had vanished, did I realise I'd made the right decision.  It wasn't fair on your other dogs OR Rambo to carry the situation on.  You did the right thing.  Well done for being so responsible.

It will get better.

Debs

So sorry marrianne.  It seems so unfair that this has happened to you.  Rambo is at peace now whereas before he was in a living torment.  Who knows why, but certainly it wasn't for the lack of care and love from you.  You did everything you could and much more than most would have. x

Thanks everyone. You've no idea how much the posts mean to me. It is so unbelievably hard. Last night I tried not to go to sleep. I felt like I wanted to stay awake for the rest of my life. Why? Because when you wake up the next morning after a bad event, for a few short seconds, you don't remember yesterday. And then it hits you, all over again. I couldn't face it. Dozed off now and then and kept jerking awake telling myself "don't think, don't think!" On the one hand I try not to remember (partly because my children are here still), one the other hand I keep going to see the other dogs. Especially Arnie, who has been instantly transformed into his usual self, after being terrified for a few weeks.

I still can't believe it.

I think I said most of it in my PM but you know you have all our support Marianne. The world was not a happy place for Rambo and now he is free of that which caused him pain. It takes great courage and compassion to do the right thing sometimes. Run free Rambo knowing how much you were loved in this world.

I am so sorry Marianne & I am sure that it was the best for him 7 for you, but it doesn't make it any easier.
Run free at the bridge Rambo
Thinking of you

diane

So sorry, Marianne

There, but for the grace of God, would go a lot of us

Daisy

Oh Marianne, I'm so so sorry!
Please don't blame yourself.  He couldn't have had a better home than yours.

Big hugs,
Sarah.

Sarah one thing which keeps going over in my mind is that he had a go at YOU back in August. We explained it away, but with hindsight, he should NOT have barked at you just because you approached me in an excited way -he'd met you before! Another sign, swept under the carpet. I feel bad about it and wanted to publicly apologise for that incident even if all he did WAS bark.

Marianne,
I didn't think too much of it, just thought I'd given him a fright.  You can't blame yourself for what's happened and I certainly don't blame you for him barking at me in August.  I blamed myself as I thought I'd probably given him a fright and should've known better after what Dylan had been through.

Take care,
Hugs,
Sarah.

Thanks Sarah. Looking forward to you meeting Rio one day -she couldn't be more different to her big half brother, loves everyone.

Well a little update even if it sounds strange with an update to a Rainbow Bridge message........

When Rambo was put to sleep I obviously wasn't thinking very clearly and so when asked if we wanted his ashes back, I said no. I just thought of the cost. Then yesterday I realised what a HUGE mistake that was -I DO want him back, back with me. As he died on Saturday evening we assumed the vet had not had bodies collected yet and so John called them first thing this morning, when they opened at 9.

But the crematorium had collected at 8 am, an hour before. Now as it happens the pet crematorium, which covers a large area, is only 5 minutes away from where we live, by car. So John jumped into the car and drove over there.  Luckily it turned out the delivery guy (what an awful job!) had not returned yet as he was going all the way out to Grimsby -we're near Doncaster. He's expected back at 2-3 pm and yes they could sort it out.

But of course Rambo had to be able to be identified. Now what's the chance of any pet crematorium getting more than one Malinois in the same year, let alone the same DAY? Virtually nil I'd say. But needless to say, the staff had no idea what a Malinois is. Looked blank when John described him. So he asked if they didn't have a scanner so they could simply check the microchip? No, they do not. Now I'd have thought that would be very useful to have, as a back up -not like they cost the earth to buy.

So the upshot is when the delivery guy arrives back John will have to go down there and actually identify him. I feel SO sorry for John having to do it, but I am also very, very grateful that he is prepared to do it.

So very sorry to read all this Marianne. Poor Rambo obviously wasn't a happy boy, we'll never know why some dogs behave like this, you've done the best for him - and the best for the rest of your family.

I don't envy John at all, that's going to be an incredibly hard thing to do

Thinking of you both, Jane

Oh Marianne I really feel for you - what a brave decision you made.

Hugs to you

Run free Rambo

Could your OH not take a photo of Rambo with him in order that it could be used for identification? What a lovely chap your OH must be.

Marriane you and John have been so brave doing what you knew had to be done . your lad is at peace now and hopefully soon you will feel a little better and know you did him a huge favour putting him at rest.
Love and Hugs to you both
Sharon.

Well this has been an eye opener.

I am so, so glad I didn't have to go myself. John was upset but he did want to make SURE it was Rambo.

The eye opener being that normally we arrange for an individual cremation with ashes back via the vet. We didn't think the vet added much to the cost, as after all they don't DO anything. They send the bodies to the same place anyway, and they just take delivery of the ashes and then WE have to phone them to see if they have arrived- usually after 1-2 weeks. By going straight to the crematorium, it cost us roughly £150 LESS -and the ashes will be with us TOMORROW.

So sorry Marianne. It doesn't sound as if you had much choice but still heart breaking.

Marianne,
I read your post on saturday and i couldnt read much further without crying...
I actually thought it was bad letting charlie go because his time was up, but in your circumstances is probably a million times worse.
You did what was right... you had to think of quality of life for Rambo, safety and a whole heap of other stuff...
Rambo is now free enjoying his new life... he'll be waiting...

John is worth his weight in gold for doing that...

Much love Donnax
(and charlie who probably already shown Rambo aroundx)

Marianne, just come across this post. I'm so very sorry for you. In your heart you know you did the right thing, I'm sure, but when the heart cries knowing doesn't help, does it?!
Rambo is running free now, carefree and painfree at the Rainbow Bridge. He is grateful you were brave when you had to, I think. Again, I'm so sorry for you, too much has come your way lately.
Stor Kram,
Karen

So very sorry - run free Rambo x
Maria

Thanks everyone.

I'm very sorry to read this. You know you took the right decision especially for Rambo. Remembering that a dog is a pack animal something had to be drastically wrong with him for this behaviour. I know you will never know what that was but he couldn't have been happy and couldn't go on like that. You have made the right decision for him.

marieanne,
he is in a safe place now, his demons  have gone. been there. it hurts oh so much. thinking of you life does go on. god bless

sleepwell rambo. run free now boy. Youve done the best for your boy marianne & for your other dogs. Keeping him going may have eased your guilt but wopuldnt have been best for Rambo or the others.

Thanks both. I feel like I'm starting to come back to the land of the living but I still can't actually talk about it, only write. What really made me smile yesterday was watching the other dogs play and see how carefree and happy they are again now.