Hi All,

Its a month now since we had my Winston put to sleep.   He was just fifteen years old.

Winston had displasia and arthritis and in the last year of his life we had to help him stand as he had difficulty in walking and hed keep falling over.   He also became incontinent and we were cleaning the carpets almost daily.   The amazing thing was his acceptance of his situation and his love of life that continued until the day he breathed his last.   He was such s happy boy and you could see the pleasure on his face when everyone was home and with him.   He had an important part in our family.

I still find it very difficult to accept the loss.   I feel an enormous guilt at finally having to end things for him.   I feel as though I let him down.   I suppose another thing that is making this soooo difficult is the fact that the vet came to the house as we wanted his end to be peaceful and as stressfree as possible.   Hed given us so many years we felt he deserved the extra expense.  

However, it was awful because they didnt first let him sleep first as theyd said they would, they held him down as he struggled and coughed until he died.   It was an awful experience for him and us and I feel as though I let him down and didnt protect him as Id done all the years of his life.   It wasnt peaceful at all and he died with an awful look on his face and his eyes wide open.  

My home is an empty place now and Im finding this very difficult.   Id value your input.

Michelle

Michelle, I had a similar situation with my Rottweiler bitch 5 years ago, she was not given enough drug to let her go quickly and she took a while to pass away. She too was very scared.  I felt utter sickness and anger, also guilt at what I had done to her.  But this eventually passed and the realistaion set in that she is now in peace, no pain and she would have totally understood why I let her go. She had cancer and the tumour was just starting to come through her tummy wall, I had her put to sleep before she got so bad that pain was all she had in her life.   Do NOT feel guilty my love, you loved each other and you gave him an end to his discomfort. It was not the ending you had hoped for, but go to where he lies now or where is ashes are, or a special place you both loved, talk to him and tell him why you had to let him go to sleep.  He was given peace, humans do not get that option, we have to suffer some of the time.  Time will be a great healer and after all, he IS still with you, in your heart.

with love  xx

It is your Vet that should feel guilt not you.  You did everything to try and make his passing easy and unfortunately you have no control over what they did. If you had have got angry then that would have upset Winston. I am so sorry for you a) over your loss and b) because that is not how it should have been for you or him.
When I lost my first dog, I had paid the bill before I left the surgery so that when the Vet came out to her we would not have to discuss payment.  After he gave her her injection he started to tot up the bill and realised that they hadn't charged me enough!!. I told him I would come in and pay the bill and he asked me when would I come in. I had another dog in the other room so I wasn't going to be disappearing off the face of the earth. Later, when I was over the shock of losing my girl I got very angry. I had never ever questioned the costs of any treatment that she had received over the years (11 1/2) and in fact I am more than happy to pay my Vet as I believe that they are worth every penny for my dogs to be fit and healthy and made well when necessary. Needless to say I changed my Vet to someone (I believe) is a better Vet and certainly more caring. Maybe you should have words about their attitude.

Hi All,
Thanks so very much for all your input and your kind words.   Im really grateful for your understanding.   Winston was such a lovely dog and he had reached a great age.   He was of the Nortonwood Line so was very light coloured and very pretty too.
Ive had dogs all my life but never experienced anything like this.   Sometimes I can still smell his smell and its as though he isnt far away but the house is very empty now.    
It was an awful decision to make.   It seemed that in his last moments, he realised what was happening and was struggling against it as they held him down and its hard to forget that.   Most people have said that their pet looked so peaceful but his expression was one of sheer horror.   It was awful to see as he was just such a gentle dog. 
We went to the vets and collected his ashes a few days after and paid for that service which was £100.  
I then wrote to the vets surgery and told them that I wasnt happy with the service they had provided.   They said that they never let the animals fall asleep first and I said that that was what they had said they would do and what we had asked for.   The vet said that the animals didnt suffer for very long till they died and I told the vet that for 15 years he had never suffered at all and I saw no reason why for the £200 they charge, he should be made to suffer at all in his passing.   The vet has offered a discount now but I dont feel as though I want to pay their bill discounted or not. 
Thanks all of you for taking the time to write.   It warms me.
Michelle

Hi Michelle, I am so sorry for your loss, I bet Winston was an awesome dog, We have had two goldies from Nortonwood lines, we lost Ben a long time a go but Kez is just coming up to 2yrs 6 mnths and if Winston was anything like him i can understand how hard you must find your loss.

Two years ago we had a very simlar experience we had to have our toy poodle put to sleep, he was a good old age about 17 we think and he had been taken very poorly in the morning, the vet did a home visit that evening to put him to rest, however he couldn't find a vain and timmy screamed the house down a noise which will haunt us for ever, you however like us should never feel guilt, they are our best friends and our life we ony want the best for them.

Try and be strong time will heal xxxx

Thanks very much for your words.   Thanks for your understanding.
My Winston was simply beautiful with the most lovely nature and he was very special to us.

It is distressing but dogs do sometimes react to the drugs with a release of inhibition.  My old girl, who was also 15, barked, loadly, for the first time in years but you could see in her eyes she was already a long way away.  I think your vet could have taken the trouble to explain these things are a response from the lower levels of consciousness and the dog is already unaware of what is happening as mine kindly did.  None of mine has passed away with their eyes shut I think this is normal.  Don't feel guilty, the distress is all yours, he will have slipped away in his mind it was just his poor old body.

Dear Michelle,

please dont feel guilty, it wasnt your fault that Winston struggled at the end. Its the vets.
I agree with both Isobel and alison, and i cannot put the words any better.
My own dog, charlie was pts a little over a year ago was muzzled when pts.. and i still get very upset that the vet felt the need.. however i know he's sleeping peacefully and running free from any pain
Like winston

you did your best for him gave him 15 years of love - he couldnt want for more

R.i.p winston x

Donna x
(and charliex)

I'm so sorry Michelle. Try not to feel guilty, you did right by your dog and a lot of people don't; they keep them for too long, making them suffer because they say they cannot bear to part -that's being selfish, saying goodbye is putting the dog first. And 15 is a very good age for a Golden! It's rare for a Golden to get older than 15, and indeed the average lifespan is 12 years and 3 months. I've never had one older than 12 myself. My vet (who owns an animal hospital, so fairly large place) says in his experience over the years most Goldens don't make it to double figures even, or die soon after 10.

Michelle I really feel for you, please do not feel guilty, you did what you know you had to do, Winston is now out of pain and running free at the bridge.  He knew he was loved, it is such a shame that the end wasn't as easy as it should have been, I'm really sorry as that must have been horrid for you but you were with him at the end and that would have given him comfort.

When you feel a little stronger then maybe take it up with the vet practice, they seem an uncaring lot and you and your animals deserve better.

Run free at the bridge Winston xxxx
Maria   

im so sorry it didnt go well at the end but it wasnt your fault.
it was the same with my cat last year she had cancer and was fading fast but she came over very perky on the table when they tried to inject her with the overdose and they had to sedate her, then followed the vomiting etc.
god it was awful but she is at rest now and so is your boy and its for the best overall.
i hope soon you will be able to remember the good times and that will in time be your strongest memories of him.
big hugs   xx

I am so very sorry that you have had this dreadful experience. Please try to take comfort in the fact that Winston is now pain free and running happily over the Bridge.

Take care, thinking of you. xx

I so very sorry I had a similar experience with my beautiful Lab Bess,the vet could not find a vein and she was struggling and very distressed I was absolutly devestated now I remember the lovely times I had with her and i have buried her in my heart,.

Thinking of you and take care.

Love Sheila.xxxxxx

I'm so sorry for your loss Michelle and for the horrible way it went. Do not feel guilty, you did what was best for your boy. When they are so weak and in so much pain they can't stand or walk I believe the kindest thing to do is say goodbye. My golden boy is only 2 and I already can't imagine life without him. My heart goes out to you.

Oh Michelle how I feel for you. I am reading this with tears in my eyes. It brought back memories of a similar experience I had a few years ago and I felt as you, that I had let him down. I have to comfort myself with the fact that at the end of the day I relieved any more suffering and he is at peace now having known a lifetime of love. Remember the drugs would probably have taken an effect pretty quickly so it may have been a reaction and he did not really know anything about it. I hope when the pain eases you are able to find comfort in the years you loved and cared for him and the memories you have. Take care.
jane